You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
We left an ass print on the piano.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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