Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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