I'm passing your future prison.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
