i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
