i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
