she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
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