its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
