The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
