I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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