she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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