i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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