I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I need water and some morals
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
