My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
