Don't make out with my wife yet
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Randomize
