i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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