The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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