they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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