I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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