So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize