i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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