things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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