I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
