3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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