ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize