you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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