the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
