I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize