I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
