At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Randomize
