I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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