Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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