i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
