and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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