i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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