That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
He called his prostate his "boner button".
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
