Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
