After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
