When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
