someone threw a dead crab at me
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize