So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
