mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
