his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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