I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
