I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
