omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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