After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
