My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize