Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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