So drunk its hurt
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
