I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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