she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
