i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
