So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Everyone says I win the strip club
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
