Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
