I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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