Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
