Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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