I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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