Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
