I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
