a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
