I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
