The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
