his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
