TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Randomize
