he thought i was a dude.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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