Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
