The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
