Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
