The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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